dinsdag 5 februari 2008

5 reasons why John Rambo would make a good test engineer


(and 5 why he wouldn't)

John Rambo would make an excellent test engineer. Here's why:

1. If the sytem has one more flaw left, Rambo would find it, exploit it, and tear the whole system appart. Not only the sytem, probably the whole computer room and the building with it (managers and developers included). Rambo tests until there's nothing to test anymore.

2. Being in forest and swamps all of his life, the man is not afraid of bugs, he probably eats them for breakfast. He doesn't see annoyance, he sees high energy snacks. Bugs rivitalize him. And not only those easy to find functional bugs, no, you know those pesky little memory leaks. Ha!, when Rambo looks at his screen these memory leaks would ask for a defect tracker account and report themselves!!

3. Performance testing. That's a no brainer, the man is his own virtual army. He embodies at least a million virtual users. If Rambo, presses 'enter' after filling in his URL bar in firefox, all major internet DNS servers go down and the google headquarters explode. The whole internet would vaporize under the load he would generate (and that's when he's pressing enter with his 'pinky')

4. Test automation. Did you see how he shot that helicopter in Rambo II. come on doesn't that say enough, this walking machine of death uses tools like no-one used them before. This guy could automate your regression suite by writing down "test automation tool" on a piece of paper and waving with it. Your regression suite could run every testcase made since the big bang.

5. Deadlines. You can put your deadlines anywhere you want, Rambo will save the day. 'Failure' is just not an option. According to him, it is not even a word. (it must be noted however, that there are multiple words that Rambo apparently has not heard about, but this not an issue here)

So far an excellent test engineer ... but then again .... here's why things could get ugly:

6. Rambo does not do process. He has lost his TMap somwhere in the jungle (or tossed it away, he doesn't quite remember), he doesn't do V-model, he is the original (upper body) V-model, the alpha and omega of software testing. Any use of process would just cramp his style of exploratory testing and plain tearing stuff appart.

7. Rambo does not report defects. As there is no software flawless, while reporting a defect, Rambo would find a bug in the defect tracker, exploit, an tear the whole .... you know what I mean, see point 1 if you don't remember. Rambo would actually have to be forbidden of touching the defect tracker.

8. There would be nothing left to fix. After Rambo is done testing, well, ..., that's it. There would be no fixing of found bugs or finetuning of performance, there would only be 'aftermath', there would be an emergency UN meeting, and some memorial somewhere but there would not be any bug fixing.

9. Social skills. Ok, seriously, the man has the social skills of a bucket of carrots. He would get in arguments with developers and bussiness people about 5 minutes into the job. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that he'll probably kill them all, which would probably fall bad with the stock holders.

10. Rambo does not like a desk job!!

Would he be an excellent test engineer or not? I'm undecided, if anyone knows the fact that would tip the scale one way or the other, let me know!!

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