At my job we do a lot of off-shoring. As a result we have a lot of Indians running around in the office. You are very nice guys, always smiling, working like a horse being perfect employees and all. But you never seem to get a girl or be in a relationship. I know some of you are actually looking at some of our hot western girls and think 'mmmmmm ... I sure would like to get my hands on one of those'. But ... it never seems to happen!
And you know why? It's so very easy ... because ...
Like you guys reinvented and improved the whole IT business you also reinvented and IMPROVED the whole being a dork lifestyle. Seriously, just now, when everyone had a sigh of relief because our own dorks where finally catching on to the whole dressing thing and being social and all, (man, our own nerds can be seen nowadays in bars and clubs), you come along!
Most of you people look like you just stepped out of the eighties and into the office. I’m really sorry but you’ll never get a girl like that! Ask our homebred dorks, they’ll tell you all about it. So here are some pointers:
1. You can NOT wear dress pants with sports shoes. NO!. Seriously, do not do that. If you wore shoes half in between dress shoes and sports shoes girls could forgive you, but, nooooooo, you are wearing white track shoes, you know Nike air max (yes they still exist!). What? You’re all Olympic 10000 meter runners? Somehow I doubt it. Sports shoes to run, yes! Sports shoes on dress pants! NO! NO! NO! (please)
2. Talking about dress pants, they should be dark in colors, you know brown, black, dark blue. They can not be light blue or even worse, skin color. Where do you guys get those? Really, tell me, where can you actually buy those? The ladies do not like them (understatement). So when you get your next paycheck, go to a shop and buy new pants. But, pleeeaaassseeee, do not pick them yourselves. Go to the shop and ask the lady or gay guy at the counter to dress you. Remember, DO NOT PICK YOUR OWN CLOTHES! However stupid this may sound, you'll pick the exact same clothes you were wearing before, I've seen it happen.
3. LOSE THE MUSTACHE. I know you are probably a hot manly babe magnet with that huge hairy thing in your own country, but over here you are a cop from the eighties. You'll say 'but girls like cops and men in uniform'. Yes they do, but they don't like the eighties and you for one should not talk about uniforms (see point 1 and 2). So, shave, get rid of the whole walrus theme! I know they’re useful for doing the dishes and removing cobwebs at your home, but, just say NO!
4. Talking about hair, there's only so much hair a man can have. You guys have great hair, a lot of hair ... but ... it looks like an elephant took a dump on your head. Girls like a well groomed man! So ... call your local hairdresser (NO! not your local Indian hairdresser, choose another one) make an appointment (Do not forget to mention that you're Indian so that the man can clear his schedule!). Do not ask for something special; just ask him to fix it!
5. So now that you’re a well groomed, smart dressed, face visible sport-shoe-less man, our last step: Be social. You’re really nice people, once we get to know you, but boy, does it take a long time before anyone in the office actually noticed that you are a living breathing human being and not part of company furniture. Talk to people! Most of you look the first weeks as if you’re about to have a stroke or something. Have a chat, have a laugh, your pile of work will not run away you know, it can wait for 5 minutes!
So now you have it all! You’re one lean mean dating machine! Only thing left to do … step up to the hot blonde at the coffee machine and ask her out! And one last thing to give you some extra incentive … it’s true … western girls are really easy !!!
Happy grooming !
And no! There are no special occasions where sports shoes on dress pants are possible! None!
And you know why? It's so very easy ... because ...
Like you guys reinvented and improved the whole IT business you also reinvented and IMPROVED the whole being a dork lifestyle. Seriously, just now, when everyone had a sigh of relief because our own dorks where finally catching on to the whole dressing thing and being social and all, (man, our own nerds can be seen nowadays in bars and clubs), you come along!
Most of you people look like you just stepped out of the eighties and into the office. I’m really sorry but you’ll never get a girl like that! Ask our homebred dorks, they’ll tell you all about it. So here are some pointers:
1. You can NOT wear dress pants with sports shoes. NO!. Seriously, do not do that. If you wore shoes half in between dress shoes and sports shoes girls could forgive you, but, nooooooo, you are wearing white track shoes, you know Nike air max (yes they still exist!). What? You’re all Olympic 10000 meter runners? Somehow I doubt it. Sports shoes to run, yes! Sports shoes on dress pants! NO! NO! NO! (please)
2. Talking about dress pants, they should be dark in colors, you know brown, black, dark blue. They can not be light blue or even worse, skin color. Where do you guys get those? Really, tell me, where can you actually buy those? The ladies do not like them (understatement). So when you get your next paycheck, go to a shop and buy new pants. But, pleeeaaassseeee, do not pick them yourselves. Go to the shop and ask the lady or gay guy at the counter to dress you. Remember, DO NOT PICK YOUR OWN CLOTHES! However stupid this may sound, you'll pick the exact same clothes you were wearing before, I've seen it happen.
3. LOSE THE MUSTACHE. I know you are probably a hot manly babe magnet with that huge hairy thing in your own country, but over here you are a cop from the eighties. You'll say 'but girls like cops and men in uniform'. Yes they do, but they don't like the eighties and you for one should not talk about uniforms (see point 1 and 2). So, shave, get rid of the whole walrus theme! I know they’re useful for doing the dishes and removing cobwebs at your home, but, just say NO!
4. Talking about hair, there's only so much hair a man can have. You guys have great hair, a lot of hair ... but ... it looks like an elephant took a dump on your head. Girls like a well groomed man! So ... call your local hairdresser (NO! not your local Indian hairdresser, choose another one) make an appointment (Do not forget to mention that you're Indian so that the man can clear his schedule!). Do not ask for something special; just ask him to fix it!
5. So now that you’re a well groomed, smart dressed, face visible sport-shoe-less man, our last step: Be social. You’re really nice people, once we get to know you, but boy, does it take a long time before anyone in the office actually noticed that you are a living breathing human being and not part of company furniture. Talk to people! Most of you look the first weeks as if you’re about to have a stroke or something. Have a chat, have a laugh, your pile of work will not run away you know, it can wait for 5 minutes!
So now you have it all! You’re one lean mean dating machine! Only thing left to do … step up to the hot blonde at the coffee machine and ask her out! And one last thing to give you some extra incentive … it’s true … western girls are really easy !!!
Happy grooming !
And no! There are no special occasions where sports shoes on dress pants are possible! None!
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